Thursday, October 1, 2009

Prayer 09/30/09

I wrote this at the height of depression. I was feeling like giving up on life and on myself. Then Thomas called and spoke truth into my ear, so I began to pray. This is how my prayer unfolded:

Lord, where do we go from here? What do I need to do? What step do I need to take? You are bigger than me, you know me better than I do, so if you say that I can handle something, then I can believe it. Who am I to say that I can’t handle this? I’m sorry, Lord, for being angry at you. But don’t you understand why? Some people are healed from their problems overnight; why not me? Lord, haven’t I asked for it enough? I’m asking for it now. Daddy, please rain down healing on me today in this moment. Change my life. Change my heart. Help me believe. I know you love me. I KNOW you do. That is not something that can be taken away or diminished. Even though it feels like you’re far away, I KNOW YOU LOVE ME! No one and nothing can take that away! Even if you yourself tried to convince me that you don’t love me, I wouldn’t believe it, Lord!! God I believe your word is true. You are true to your word. You’ve told me and shown me in so many ways that you love me. You can’t convince me otherwise. Daddy, you are all I have to cling to. You are my only hope. I have nothing apart from you. I have nothing. I am nothing apart from you. I am dead apart from you. What do I look for? Rest? How do I rest? Show me, Lord! Teach me. I want to remain faithful to you. I want to see what you will do through me. I know you have a better plan for me. This is not the rest of my life. Show me what is. Lord, I want to praise you. I want to enjoy my life. I don’t want to be anxiety’s victim…I’m your child.


I still have no idea what God is going to do with this portion of my life, but I do know that today I have a new hope and a new desire to be intentional with every moment of my life, whether I'm sitting on the couch alone at home or whether I'm preaching to a group of people. Something is celebrating inside!

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