I know Mel Gibson's "The Passion of the Christ" is max-hyped, but I love this song and it goes so well with the video clips. Check it out, play it twice, and feel joy if you feel it.
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
Monday, August 25, 2008
Faith
"Faith is dependence upon God. And this God-dependence only begins when self-dependence ends. And self-dependence only comes to its end, with some of us, when sorrow, suffering, affliction, broken plans and hopes bring us to that place of self-helplessness and defeat. And only then do we find that we have learned the lesson of faith; to find our tiny craft of life rushing onward to a blessed victory of life and power and service undreamt of in the days of our fleshly strength and self-reliance." James McConkey
Friday, August 22, 2008
The Surgeon
I feel like a patient lying awake on the operating table. The warm comfort of my skin is pinned to the side and I am vulnerable to the hands of the Surgeon. I beg him to stitch me back up. “This hurts, Lord!” I cry. But there’s no turning back now. He gently strokes my hair, looks me in the eye and says, “Don’t be afraid. You are my child, Alissa. I love you! I won’t hurt you and I’ll never leave your side. I have your best interest in mind.”
I can’t wait until I am stitched back up and this wound heals.
I can’t wait until I am stitched back up and this wound heals.
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
The Devil is a Hungry Lion and I am a Scrumtrelescent T-Bone Steak
“Be well balanced (temperate, sober of mind), be vigilant and cautious at all times; for that enemy of yours, the devil, roams around like a lion roaring in fierce hunger, seeking someone to seize upon and devour.” 1 Peter 5:8
No kidding! And right now I feel like I’m a fresh, raw, juicy steak standing in his path. For the last week or so, I’ve been feeling like I’m teetering on the edge of victory and destruction. I’m very aware that I’m only one bad decision away from destroying the work God has done in my life. I’m tempted through people, conversations, loneliness, boredom, even anxiety. I wonder sometimes if it will ever end. Will I ever be stable enough in my faith to not constantly feel like it would only take a slight breeze to knock me down? Right now the answer feels like “no.” Thankfully, that’s answered truthfully for me:
“And after you have suffered a little while,” (thank goodness, it’s only a little while longer!), “the God of all grace Who imparts all blessing and favor, Who has called you to His own eternal glory in Christ Jesus, will Himself complete and make you what you ought to be, establish and ground you securely, and strengthen, and settle you.” 1 Peter 5:10.
I’m going to cling to this promise right now, or I’m in trouble!
No kidding! And right now I feel like I’m a fresh, raw, juicy steak standing in his path. For the last week or so, I’ve been feeling like I’m teetering on the edge of victory and destruction. I’m very aware that I’m only one bad decision away from destroying the work God has done in my life. I’m tempted through people, conversations, loneliness, boredom, even anxiety. I wonder sometimes if it will ever end. Will I ever be stable enough in my faith to not constantly feel like it would only take a slight breeze to knock me down? Right now the answer feels like “no.” Thankfully, that’s answered truthfully for me:
“And after you have suffered a little while,” (thank goodness, it’s only a little while longer!), “the God of all grace Who imparts all blessing and favor, Who has called you to His own eternal glory in Christ Jesus, will Himself complete and make you what you ought to be, establish and ground you securely, and strengthen, and settle you.” 1 Peter 5:10.
I’m going to cling to this promise right now, or I’m in trouble!
Monday, August 18, 2008
Top Ten Things on My Mind Today
10.) I watched the movie The Notebook yesterday. I have to say, compared to that movie I have a very cerebral understanding about love. To me, true love is something you choose to do rather than something you feel all the time. No doubt passion exists in love, but I have my
doubts about passion existing throughout an entire relationship. I guess I’ve just never seen it. My last relationship was closest thing to a passionate love I’ve had, but that relationship ended. So, I have every hope that I can have a passionate relationship with the person I marry, but I’m not banking on it.
9.) Speaking of marriage (!), it’s been a little over 2 months since I decided to be single for a year, and since then a little irony is taking place. The more I desire to get married, the more unfit I think I am to get married. I keep imagining what my dream guy is like, but there’s no way he would want me. There’s too much that I haven’t forgiven myself for. And besides, I’m not interested in hurting someone else. All I have to say is that if someone falls in love with me, they better also be deeply in love with God because I guarantee I’ll end up hurting them somehow.
8.) I have picked up a bad habit. When I really think about it, I’ve had this deficiency for a while. My bad habit is that I tend to not end conversations…period. When I was in college, I always had trouble writing the concluding paragraph on my papers. In case you haven’t noticed, I tend to end many of blogs with an ellipsis as well. I have the same problem with conversations. In the last week, I’ve caught myself ending a conversation by just walking away without really putting any sort of appropriate conclusion to it like, “Well, have a great day!” or “It was great talking to you. See you later!” That’s what most people do, but what do I do? I just walk away, leaving the other person feeling self-conscious and a bit flummoxed. I’ve even fallen asleep during a conversation before. How’s that for a conclusion?!?! In all fairness, it was a text message conversation. Somehow I’m a little more off the hook that way. I don’t do it to be mean; I just think I have the disability of not reading when a conversation is ending. I’m self-conscious about the end. On the one hand, I don’t want to be a “lingerer,” but I also don’t want to be the one to end the conversation if the person isn’t done talking…so…I guess if I’m no longer in the presence of the other person, I don’t have to end it and I don’t have to linger….I…am…a…loser ;)
7.) God has put so many amazing people in my life. I bought this old house with all these devious little quirks, thinking that I had the skill, the determination, and the funds to correct them. As turns out, I don’t have home repair skills, very little determination, and absolutely no funds to fix up my little old house. However, random things have been happening. Like, I need my roof patched and one of my co-workers offered to fix it for free. Then I ripped out the carpet in my living room. I have no idea how to finish a wood floor, but as it turns out, one of my friends used to do it for a living. He and my other friend Meghan offered to help me prep the floor this week. Then last night, one of my neighbors came to my door and asked if I would like for him to cut down the branches from my other neighbor’s tree that are hanging over my lawn (literally, I can touch the leaves…I’m about 5’1) and laying on my house. Unbelievable! Altogether, these tasks would have cost me hundreds, if not thousands of dollars, but by the time I’m done, I will have spent MAYBE fifty bucks. What a gracious God!
Well, this was going to be a “Top Ten,” but the first four took up quite a bit of space, so I’ll leave at that for now.
Sunday, August 17, 2008
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
I have a lot of really unimportant things to say today
I feel like poo today. Not sick. Tired, sad, homesick, bored, contemplative, nostalgic, lethargic, apathetic, irritable...and so on. Obviously I'm PMSing. Sometimes this is a good thing. It makes me get things done. For instance, my dog pooped on the carpet again. If I wasn't PMSing I would have just cleaned it up. Instead, I ripped up the entire carpet. It was something I was planning on doing anyway...just not on Monday after work. Oh well.
I've always been a nap person. I used to take a nap just about every day after work, but now I take them in my car or on the lawn during my lunch break. I usually read until I fall asleep. Today was the perfect napping day. It was about 80 degrees outside, overcast, and slightly breezy. I'm going to miss those naps when it gets cold....
I'm going to miss carpet too...
I've always been a nap person. I used to take a nap just about every day after work, but now I take them in my car or on the lawn during my lunch break. I usually read until I fall asleep. Today was the perfect napping day. It was about 80 degrees outside, overcast, and slightly breezy. I'm going to miss those naps when it gets cold....
I'm going to miss carpet too...
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
The Straggler
As part of my self-imposed therapy for my tendency towards self-absorption, I’ve begun asking more questions about other people’s lives rather than abruptly imposing a story of my own life on a captive audience. I understand that this isn’t the way to completely heal from this disease, but it sure puts things into perspective before I lay into someone because my own needs are not or have not been met.
The importance of gathering information hit me hard back in June when I was still cashiering at the store. I think anyone who has worked retail for any period of time could agree that the best part of the day is when the announcement is made that the store is closed. It’s a moment we expectantly wait upon hour after hour. And we watch the minutes just before closing time creep up like a turtle crossing the highway. For some reason, we naively expect that once the magic words, “We are closed for the evening” ring across the loud speaker, everyone will automatically drop everything and, though slightly disappointed they didn’t cash out before time was up, will gladly leave the building, reasoning along the way, “Ah, shucks! I better get out of here quickly so I don’t inconvenience the lives of these hard-working employees! ” Of course, this never happens. Most of the time you’ll have a straggler who ignores the announcement completely and continues shopping, or you’ll have someone who walks in right after the announcement was made but before the doors were locked. The latter is more forgivable than the former. It’s almost as if the first type of person is just trying to show you that they WILL NOT be told what to do!
That evening back in June, I was the one who had to stay late in order to help a straggler. As I stood at my register watching her meander through the clothing, searching each rack to find her size, and lifting a shirt up to her chest every now and then to estimate how it would fit on her, I grinded my teeth and mocked her, making subtle, but over-a-whisper comments about how we had closed ten minutes ago. (This lady is obviously just trying to torture me.)
Finally, the woman finished her shopping and approached my register. I grudgingly put my best foot forward and, smiling, asked her if she found everything ok and made flattering comments about the items she chose to purchase. One last step: take her money and get the heck out of there! She gave me a credit card (Good! Quick payment method!). I swiped the card...it was denied. I swiped it again…denied (Of course! Dangit, lady, just leave the stuff here and come back tomorrow!). That was my solution. Her solution was to go out to her car and get her checkbook. (Great, the slowest method of payment! Lady, you’re killing me!) So, she walked out to her car, which must have been parked in Ohio, and got her checkbook. When she came back in, she was concerned about why her credit card hadn’t worked. I explained to her that as a safety feature some credit cards can only be used a certain number of times within a short time-frame. I wasn’t totally sure this was true, but it seemed to appease my customer. As I was processing her check, she began to tell me how awful the last few days had been for her. As it turns out, she had just come from the hospital where her husband had been admitted for a staph infection. They both lost their jobs in the last two weeks, and to top it off, she had put her dog down yesterday.
(I…AM…A…JERK!)
Ever since then I have tried to take on a new perspective. My old perspective was very cynical. I originally thought the lady in the store was just trying to assert her importance. It was also narcissistic: she was staying because she didn’t want me to be able to get off work on time. If I would have tried on my new perspective in this circumstance, I would have seen that she was probably shopping in order to let off some steam, and that if she heard the announcement, this store was a refuge for her for the time being. More likely, she was so distracted by the tragedies in her life that she didn’t even hear the closing announcement.
The more I see this self-absorbed, self-importance, narcissism in myself, the more I see it in the way others treat me, and therefore, I hate it even more that the same attitude exists in me. In his book, “Deliver Us from Me-Ville,” David Zimmerman makes a good point about how we relate to others. He says that we relate to others based on what we understand best: our own attitudes about things.
It’s so important to remember that each person has their own reasons and attitudes the way they treat you, whether they’re being rude, or abrupt, or abrasive, even whether they're smiling, laughing, and being friendly. And for the most part, that reason has nothing to do with you.
The importance of gathering information hit me hard back in June when I was still cashiering at the store. I think anyone who has worked retail for any period of time could agree that the best part of the day is when the announcement is made that the store is closed. It’s a moment we expectantly wait upon hour after hour. And we watch the minutes just before closing time creep up like a turtle crossing the highway. For some reason, we naively expect that once the magic words, “We are closed for the evening” ring across the loud speaker, everyone will automatically drop everything and, though slightly disappointed they didn’t cash out before time was up, will gladly leave the building, reasoning along the way, “Ah, shucks! I better get out of here quickly so I don’t inconvenience the lives of these hard-working employees! ” Of course, this never happens. Most of the time you’ll have a straggler who ignores the announcement completely and continues shopping, or you’ll have someone who walks in right after the announcement was made but before the doors were locked. The latter is more forgivable than the former. It’s almost as if the first type of person is just trying to show you that they WILL NOT be told what to do!
That evening back in June, I was the one who had to stay late in order to help a straggler. As I stood at my register watching her meander through the clothing, searching each rack to find her size, and lifting a shirt up to her chest every now and then to estimate how it would fit on her, I grinded my teeth and mocked her, making subtle, but over-a-whisper comments about how we had closed ten minutes ago. (This lady is obviously just trying to torture me.)
Finally, the woman finished her shopping and approached my register. I grudgingly put my best foot forward and, smiling, asked her if she found everything ok and made flattering comments about the items she chose to purchase. One last step: take her money and get the heck out of there! She gave me a credit card (Good! Quick payment method!). I swiped the card...it was denied. I swiped it again…denied (Of course! Dangit, lady, just leave the stuff here and come back tomorrow!). That was my solution. Her solution was to go out to her car and get her checkbook. (Great, the slowest method of payment! Lady, you’re killing me!) So, she walked out to her car, which must have been parked in Ohio, and got her checkbook. When she came back in, she was concerned about why her credit card hadn’t worked. I explained to her that as a safety feature some credit cards can only be used a certain number of times within a short time-frame. I wasn’t totally sure this was true, but it seemed to appease my customer. As I was processing her check, she began to tell me how awful the last few days had been for her. As it turns out, she had just come from the hospital where her husband had been admitted for a staph infection. They both lost their jobs in the last two weeks, and to top it off, she had put her dog down yesterday.
(I…AM…A…JERK!)
Ever since then I have tried to take on a new perspective. My old perspective was very cynical. I originally thought the lady in the store was just trying to assert her importance. It was also narcissistic: she was staying because she didn’t want me to be able to get off work on time. If I would have tried on my new perspective in this circumstance, I would have seen that she was probably shopping in order to let off some steam, and that if she heard the announcement, this store was a refuge for her for the time being. More likely, she was so distracted by the tragedies in her life that she didn’t even hear the closing announcement.
The more I see this self-absorbed, self-importance, narcissism in myself, the more I see it in the way others treat me, and therefore, I hate it even more that the same attitude exists in me. In his book, “Deliver Us from Me-Ville,” David Zimmerman makes a good point about how we relate to others. He says that we relate to others based on what we understand best: our own attitudes about things.
It’s so important to remember that each person has their own reasons and attitudes the way they treat you, whether they’re being rude, or abrupt, or abrasive, even whether they're smiling, laughing, and being friendly. And for the most part, that reason has nothing to do with you.
Sunday, August 10, 2008
Walks and Awakenings
Life has been pretty uneventful lately. What I really mean is there’s not been overall soap opera style drama lingering behind each scene in my life. I’ve just had some subtle “great” moments over the past few weeks.
A couple weeks ago I met a friend downtown. It was a totally random thing. It was a Friday night at 11 PM. We were both bored and broke, so we decided just to walk around the city for a while. I love that type of spontaneity—the kind that requires minimal risk and no money. Anyway, as it turns out, it was a perfect summer night for such a thing. The air was warm, the city was lit just right, and good conversation blended flawlessly with the din of light traffic and outdoor patio gatherings. It’s been a long time since I went downtown at night. It seemed the last time I was down there it was a lot more threatening. But this time, there were fewer strangers. I even felt a sort of camaraderie with the homeless and poor that shuffled by. I somehow felt safer than I recall feeling seven years ago when my friends and I loudly assaulted the city, hopping from bar to bar in our high heels, tight jeans and tank tops. This time I was dressed shoddily in my flip-flops, comfy jeans, and a T-shirt. I believe I even apologized to my friend for my casual wardrobe. But the fact was I wasn’t safer, I just had less fear in general. For me, that was a good feeling. Having struggled with anxiety for so long, I am now finally able to see the progress over the years. I wonder how I will look on these years in seven years…
The life lesson I’m wrestling with right now is self-absorption. This is a tough one for two particular reasons. First, I must unlearn what I’ve learned from birth. Namely, that my life is not about me and even more importantly, that OTHER people’s lives are not about me. The other reason this is so difficult to face is because it means I have to trust God in a way that I have never trusted Him before. It’s actually quite a complicated triangle of trust. Since my life can’t be about me, it must be about serving God by serving other people. Serving others requires vulnerability of my time, my finances, and my heart. And if I’m so vulnerable to others, some of whom will undoubtedly take advantage, manipulate, under-appreciate, or disappoint in some way, how do I ever expect to survive? That’s where the lesson comes in: if I do become incapacitated somehow through service, then I know I’m doing it for myself, for my glory and my admiration. I expect I’ll obtain some battle scars, but if I remember that my life is not my own, that it is held in the hands of a loving God who never fails or disappoints, and if I remember that my service is the overflow of the blessings He’s given me, then I won’t be broken.
As for the part about unlearning what I was taught at birth, that is, that life (mine and other people’s) is all about me, now THAT will take some serious prayer. I take comfort in the fact that almost everyone, especially those in my generation, are just as self-absorbed. It’s most obviously displayed in our tendency to blame everyone and everything else for the problems in our lives, that is, our belief in “external control.” I’m reading a book by David Zimmerman called “Deliver Us From Me-Ville.” One researcher he quotes, Jean Twenge, says this about our generation: “The average GenMe college student in 2002 had more external control beliefs than 80% of college students in the early 1960s. External control beliefs increased about 50% between the 1960s and 2000s.” Ouch! So basically, I belong to a generation of schmucks and babies, myself included.
Now that I realize my tendency towards self-absorption, I must act. But it is difficult. The more I realize how self-absorbed I am, the more I realize how self-absorbed I am. Yeah, that’s right...it’s redundant…it’s ugly…it’s thick…it’s sticky…it’s difficult to escape, but I’m determined not to live out the rest of my youth in a bubble devoted to me…a metaphorical womb, if you will. It’s not about me. It’s about a God who knows me better than I know myself. Who knows what is best for me. Who knows all my needs and my desires and who is not and will not hold out on me.
This will be a long and difficult journey, but no doubt it will result in another amazing realization of God’s power and greatness.
A couple weeks ago I met a friend downtown. It was a totally random thing. It was a Friday night at 11 PM. We were both bored and broke, so we decided just to walk around the city for a while. I love that type of spontaneity—the kind that requires minimal risk and no money. Anyway, as it turns out, it was a perfect summer night for such a thing. The air was warm, the city was lit just right, and good conversation blended flawlessly with the din of light traffic and outdoor patio gatherings. It’s been a long time since I went downtown at night. It seemed the last time I was down there it was a lot more threatening. But this time, there were fewer strangers. I even felt a sort of camaraderie with the homeless and poor that shuffled by. I somehow felt safer than I recall feeling seven years ago when my friends and I loudly assaulted the city, hopping from bar to bar in our high heels, tight jeans and tank tops. This time I was dressed shoddily in my flip-flops, comfy jeans, and a T-shirt. I believe I even apologized to my friend for my casual wardrobe. But the fact was I wasn’t safer, I just had less fear in general. For me, that was a good feeling. Having struggled with anxiety for so long, I am now finally able to see the progress over the years. I wonder how I will look on these years in seven years…
The life lesson I’m wrestling with right now is self-absorption. This is a tough one for two particular reasons. First, I must unlearn what I’ve learned from birth. Namely, that my life is not about me and even more importantly, that OTHER people’s lives are not about me. The other reason this is so difficult to face is because it means I have to trust God in a way that I have never trusted Him before. It’s actually quite a complicated triangle of trust. Since my life can’t be about me, it must be about serving God by serving other people. Serving others requires vulnerability of my time, my finances, and my heart. And if I’m so vulnerable to others, some of whom will undoubtedly take advantage, manipulate, under-appreciate, or disappoint in some way, how do I ever expect to survive? That’s where the lesson comes in: if I do become incapacitated somehow through service, then I know I’m doing it for myself, for my glory and my admiration. I expect I’ll obtain some battle scars, but if I remember that my life is not my own, that it is held in the hands of a loving God who never fails or disappoints, and if I remember that my service is the overflow of the blessings He’s given me, then I won’t be broken.
As for the part about unlearning what I was taught at birth, that is, that life (mine and other people’s) is all about me, now THAT will take some serious prayer. I take comfort in the fact that almost everyone, especially those in my generation, are just as self-absorbed. It’s most obviously displayed in our tendency to blame everyone and everything else for the problems in our lives, that is, our belief in “external control.” I’m reading a book by David Zimmerman called “Deliver Us From Me-Ville.” One researcher he quotes, Jean Twenge, says this about our generation: “The average GenMe college student in 2002 had more external control beliefs than 80% of college students in the early 1960s. External control beliefs increased about 50% between the 1960s and 2000s.” Ouch! So basically, I belong to a generation of schmucks and babies, myself included.
Now that I realize my tendency towards self-absorption, I must act. But it is difficult. The more I realize how self-absorbed I am, the more I realize how self-absorbed I am. Yeah, that’s right...it’s redundant…it’s ugly…it’s thick…it’s sticky…it’s difficult to escape, but I’m determined not to live out the rest of my youth in a bubble devoted to me…a metaphorical womb, if you will. It’s not about me. It’s about a God who knows me better than I know myself. Who knows what is best for me. Who knows all my needs and my desires and who is not and will not hold out on me.
This will be a long and difficult journey, but no doubt it will result in another amazing realization of God’s power and greatness.
Wednesday, August 6, 2008
School is in session...for life!
You will never stop learning new things as long as you never stop being teachable.
Monday, August 4, 2008
A little encouragement
This is something I wrote a couple months back, but never posted. I have a friend right now who is going through a really tough time and I thought maybe they could find some encouragement through this:
"This period of growth has been the hardest time of my life. I envy people who seem to have it together, like Rachel, Kristin, Joyce Meyer...well, pretty much EVERYONE else. I know it's not true. I know everyone has their own trials, and this one is mine: I'm alone. It's exactly where I need to be. I know this because it's uncomfortable, but not unbearable.
Right now it takes extremes for me to get back to ok. Before, I used to read my Bible and pray just in the morning. Now I have to read my Bible in the morning, on my lunch break, and when I get home from work. I have to read it out loud even so that my mouth is speaking truth and my ears are hearing truth. I've become so aware lately of all the lies I have believed my entire life. It's almost to the extreme that I could practically say I've based a lot of my life on lies. Here are some that affect my life every day:
1.) I'm going to throw up.
2.) I can't do this.
3.) People don't like me.
4.) I'm stupid.
5.) I'm unloveable.
6.) I have to earn everyone's love and acceptance. I can't just be myself.
7.) I would rather die.
8.) God's promises don't apply to me because I'm not good enough.
9.) I'm unacceptable the way I am.
10.) I'm not worthy of good things.
That's just the top ten. Millions of other lies probably work their way in between during the day. Believing these things has caused me so much pain over 27 years. I can't imagine how fulfilling life would be if I believed God's truths, such as:
1.) I can do ALL things through Christ.
2.) I am accepted and adopted by God.
3.) I am healed.
4.) God loves me and His love is unconditional.
5.) God is merciful.
6.) God wants me to live an abundant and fulfilling life.
7.) God hears me when I cry out.
8.) God is NOT holding out on me.
9.) I am made acceptable through Him.
10.) I have peace.
I've spent too much of my young life believing lies instead of God's truth...what a waste of a life!"
As hard as it was for me (I will say it again: IT WAS HARD!) to believe God when I wrote this, I knew with a quiet, but powerful part of myself that I had no other choice but to believe God if I ever wanted the pain to go away. I'm not sure exactly when I wrote this--sometime within the last 3 months. Here I am only about 3 months later feeling normal again. Am I completely healed? No, not yet, but I have hope, excitement for the present and the future, and a security in Christ that I didn't realize could be a reality in my life. You WILL get through this, my friend. Trust God even if you're afraid to. "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways, acknowledge Him, and he will make your paths straight."
"This period of growth has been the hardest time of my life. I envy people who seem to have it together, like Rachel, Kristin, Joyce Meyer...well, pretty much EVERYONE else. I know it's not true. I know everyone has their own trials, and this one is mine: I'm alone. It's exactly where I need to be. I know this because it's uncomfortable, but not unbearable.
Right now it takes extremes for me to get back to ok. Before, I used to read my Bible and pray just in the morning. Now I have to read my Bible in the morning, on my lunch break, and when I get home from work. I have to read it out loud even so that my mouth is speaking truth and my ears are hearing truth. I've become so aware lately of all the lies I have believed my entire life. It's almost to the extreme that I could practically say I've based a lot of my life on lies. Here are some that affect my life every day:
1.) I'm going to throw up.
2.) I can't do this.
3.) People don't like me.
4.) I'm stupid.
5.) I'm unloveable.
6.) I have to earn everyone's love and acceptance. I can't just be myself.
7.) I would rather die.
8.) God's promises don't apply to me because I'm not good enough.
9.) I'm unacceptable the way I am.
10.) I'm not worthy of good things.
That's just the top ten. Millions of other lies probably work their way in between during the day. Believing these things has caused me so much pain over 27 years. I can't imagine how fulfilling life would be if I believed God's truths, such as:
1.) I can do ALL things through Christ.
2.) I am accepted and adopted by God.
3.) I am healed.
4.) God loves me and His love is unconditional.
5.) God is merciful.
6.) God wants me to live an abundant and fulfilling life.
7.) God hears me when I cry out.
8.) God is NOT holding out on me.
9.) I am made acceptable through Him.
10.) I have peace.
I've spent too much of my young life believing lies instead of God's truth...what a waste of a life!"
As hard as it was for me (I will say it again: IT WAS HARD!) to believe God when I wrote this, I knew with a quiet, but powerful part of myself that I had no other choice but to believe God if I ever wanted the pain to go away. I'm not sure exactly when I wrote this--sometime within the last 3 months. Here I am only about 3 months later feeling normal again. Am I completely healed? No, not yet, but I have hope, excitement for the present and the future, and a security in Christ that I didn't realize could be a reality in my life. You WILL get through this, my friend. Trust God even if you're afraid to. "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways, acknowledge Him, and he will make your paths straight."
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