Waiting for Superman

So, I've been snowed in pretty much since Friday. It's cold, snowy, but also quite peaceful (when I'm not digging myself out of 3 feet of snow every 2 hours). Being snowed in with a dog and no human contact has refreshed my "loner" side. I've actually enjoyed being alone; I've really enjoyed doing nothing! In fact, I've come to realize that if I had the choice between going out and hanging out with a bunch of people or staying home by myself and watching a movie or reading a book, about 99% of the time, I would rather stay home.

But I'm confused. Just a few months back, I wanted to always be doing something. I loved having a busy schedule. Meeting new people and hanging out late on a "school night" was fun and refreshing. Oddly enough, at that time, I took a personality test that showed I was introverted--"Introverted, Sensing, Feeling, Perceiving," to be exact, and I thought "No way! I'm not introverted by any means." Well, it has caught up with me. It started with grunting and groaning to get myself out of the house. Gradually, I began to find that being busy 5 out of 7 nights a week exhausted me. Then I started finding ways to get out of leaving the house. Now I'm perfectly comfortable loafing in front of the TV at night with just my dog. Of course, while I sit here by myself in this cold house, not having spoken a vocal word to anyone in over 24 hours, yet still longing to have a good conversation with someone who is close to me, I wonder what kind of personality my future (if existent) husband should have. Should he be introverted, like me, so that I won't be forced out of the house when I don't want to be? Or should he be extroverted, so that I don't become a bored recluse? I guess I should fall back on past experience to answer this question. Here's the answer: I was formerly engaged to a fellow introvert. Formerly engaged. I don't think I can handle a relationship with someone who also would rather stay in 99% of the time because it's only when I'm trapped inside with one other person for a long period of time that I want to go out. But when I go out, I want that person to be with me. Anyway, this introvert-introvert combination did not work for me.

So, what kind of guy would best suit me? The answer, according to Facebook (and we all know that Facebook quizzes reveal the quintessence of who we really are), is Superman. Yes, Superman. Gee, that shouldn't be too difficult! Talk about setting the bar high. I guess once I start dating again, I will have to check them off the list if they can't fly me across the continent, or leap tall buildings, and especially if they can't wear tights, a cape, and underwear and look absolutely fabulous!

I won't get my hopes up.

Lessons

Lesson 1: If something has been in the refrigerator for almost a year, it is not necessary to open the container and smell it to see if it is throw away-able. I mean, seriously, even if it didn't smell like a turd covered in burnt hair, am I really going to eat something that has been in there for so long? Me thinks "no."

Lesson 2: If you clean out all the old smelly "food" from the fridge, and the fridge is empty when you are done, it may be time to go grocery shopping.

Lesson 3: If hanging out with people too many nights in a row is exhausting, it is probably best not to get a roommate.

Lesson 4: Sometimes telling someone how you feel about them eliminates the feeling altogether.

Lesson 5: Empathy to the degree that you vicariously feel the pain someone else feels really sucks.

Lesson 6: When I become too comfortable, I know it's a good time to remember a bad time. This way I remember why I'm thankful.

Lesson 7: Guys are trouble. Especially incredibly good-looking, strong, rustic, sweet, confident, interesting, funny ones that can turn an entirely crappy week into a great week in a matter of minutes... *sigh*

Lesson 8: The most important role in life is that of a character in God's story.

Truth in Simplicity

Life is complicated without us complicating it, yet for some reason we seem to be drawn toward complicating everything!

I caught a glimpse of the news this morning just as I was headed out to run. The story was about this whole deal with legalizing gay marriage. Some people were angry, some were "cautiously optimistic" about the eventual legalization of gay marriage.

I read a Newsweek article online today that defended gay marriage using the Bible. (Incidentally, two authors were needed to come up with enough BS to complete the article!)

I had a discussion with a group of people tonight about heaven, pre-, post-, and omni-milleniallism (sp?), spirit, soul, and body and what we are in heaven, yada yada yada.

I pushed someone's buttons about tax policy just because I knew it would stir him up (sorry your facebook was the soapbox, Aunt Linda :) ).

I have opinions about all these things, some strong, some vulnerable. To be honest, the only thing I got out of watching the news, reading the article, discussing theology, and questioning politics is confirmation that God is who he says he is. God IS. That's all that matters.

...pretty simple, huh?

Advent Conspiracy

I saw this at Lifeline tonight. I thought it was pretty darn cool. Take a look. It's only 2 minutes.

Abundant Life

I love this verse from John.

John 10:10

"The thief comes only in order to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have and enjoy life, and have it in abundance (to the full, till it overflows)."

After I read this verse, I have to ask myself if I'm living an abundant life. For the most part, I'm enjoying my life. Last year was the first time in my life I can remember actually being happy to be alive. But am I living it in abundance, to the full, until it overflows?? Jesus said that he came to give me that kind of life, so I believe that to be true. But if I'm honest with myself, I would have to say that right now I'm not living an abundant life.

Of course, I also have to ask myself what an abundant life looks like for me. Abundant life is not getting everything I want and never having anything bad happen to me. In fact, I feel like the most abundance has come through hardship. So, I think abundant life simply means trusting God. It means accepting that bad or even annoying things will happen, like having anxiety every time I leave the house, gaining weight, being single for the rest of my life, losing my health, losing someone I love, or losing everything I own, but knowing--body, mind, and soul--that somehow God can make abundance from brokenness.

Right now my life appears to be ok. I'm going through the motions. I go where I'm expected to be. I push myself to go places and do things even when I'm afraid to leave the house. But when I go out and I'm scared to death and I'm around a lot of people, I check out. Physically I'm there, and something inside me (soul?) wants to break out and enjoy the people around me and every sight, sound, and smell, but some other part of me (mind) has locked myself inside myself. It's like for the last however many years, I've only seen everything through a screen of anxiety. Everything even appears to be a shade of gray....

I'm not living an abundant life, but I know that I can. I know that I need to trust God more. There are some things I have no problem trusting him with. I can trust him when my heart is broken and I can trust him when I have no money and no food in refrigerator because I've been in these situations and he has reformed the broken pieces. But how do I trust him with a fear that has infiltrated EVERY part of my life? Even trust?

I don't know how it will happen, but I'm determined to live an abundant life.

Soul with a mind, living in a body

I am a soul that has a mind and walks around in a body....

I've had to remind myself of this over and over again in the past few weeks. For so many months, I was on such a spiritual high that I didn't really care about all the dumb (but completely normal) stuff I used to care about like my weight, the way I looked, relationships with guys, etc. My focus was on God and doing what He wants me to do. I guess it all started to come back when I started to feel comfortable...like I have a "niche." Now all that old stuff is back.

I'm tempted to say that's just "normal," but I'm not comfortable calling that normal for me as a Jesus follower. In his book The Green Letters, Miles Stanford quotes J.E. Conant who said, "Christian living is not our living with Christ's help, it is Christ living His life in us." Stanford follows up by quoting Paul in the book of Philippians where he said, "For to me to live is Christ" and, "I can do all things through Christ." The way I understand it is this: First of all, my life is only a part of God's story, it's not MY story. Secondly, I am a human made of flesh, so obviously I will have these feelings and desires and disappointments, but my true self, me as a new creation, is Christ in me, or my soul. My soul is the only TRULY living part of me and it's the only thing that will continue to live. All the other cares will pass away. But even knowing that doesn't make the other crap go away because I'm still a dag-gum human being! All this brings me to the unfortunate conclusion that I have to stop avoiding negativity at all costs and learn how to deal with it as a soul instead of as flesh. For instance, I've gained 10 pounds since July. The flesh part of me feels horrible and thinks I'm not attractive anymore and will sacrifice my health to lose the weight. The soul part of me, the true part of me, wants to be healthy, delights that God made me just the way he wants me to be and that He thinks I'm beautiful and that's all that matters. Now the question is: How do I get my brain on the soul side? It was effortless when I was on a spiritual high, but how do I do that now that the vacation is over? The Bible says, "Be transformed by the renewing of your mind," but how do I do that?

There's a lot here to puzzle myself over, but knowing that my new self is Christ in me, I know that I don't have to be deceived into believing that anything else truly matters except God's story.

I am a soul that has a mind and walks around in a body.