John 10:10
"The thief comes only in order to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have and enjoy life, and have it in abundance (to the full, till it overflows)."
After I read this verse, I have to ask myself if I'm living an abundant life. For the most part, I'm enjoying my life. Last year was the first time in my life I can remember actually being happy to be alive. But am I living it in abundance, to the full, until it overflows?? Jesus said that he came to give me that kind of life, so I believe that to be true. But if I'm honest with myself, I would have to say that right now I'm not living an abundant life.Of course, I also have to ask myself what an abundant life looks like for me. Abundant life is not getting everything I want and never having anything bad happen to me. In fact, I feel like the most abundance has come through hardship. So, I think abundant life simply means trusting God. It means accepting that bad or even annoying things will happen, like having anxiety every time I leave the house, gaining weight, being single for the rest of my life, losing my health, losing someone I love, or losing everything I own, but knowing--body, mind, and soul--that somehow God can make abundance from brokenness.
Right now my life appears to be ok. I'm going through the motions. I go where I'm expected to be. I push myself to go places and do things even when I'm afraid to leave the house. But when I go out and I'm scared to death and I'm around a lot of people, I check out. Physically I'm there, and something inside me (soul?) wants to break out and enjoy the people around me and every sight, sound, and smell, but some other part of me (mind) has locked myself inside myself. It's like for the last however many years, I've only seen everything through a screen of anxiety. Everything even appears to be a shade of gray....
I'm not living an abundant life, but I know that I can. I know that I need to trust God more. There are some things I have no problem trusting him with. I can trust him when my heart is broken and I can trust him when I have no money and no food in refrigerator because I've been in these situations and he has reformed the broken pieces. But how do I trust him with a fear that has infiltrated EVERY part of my life? Even trust?I don't know how it will happen, but I'm determined to live an abundant life.
4 comments:
Life can always be worse and it can always be "better". If you have a roof over your head, a good family, and have the fortune to gain 10 lbs this year, you're doing fine.
David fled from Saul for a good part of his life, living in fear and sleeping in caves... all before he became king of a nation.
You are truly amazing. I enjoy reading your thoughts on your self-examinations.
I am going through the same thing. We've even had this conversation before I think.
I've realized that for me, it is a process. I am slowly trusting Him with more and more, and I am feeling more and more free.
Yes, I do believe probaby one of the first, or THE first conversation we ever had was on this topic! Going to Africa just because God said "Go" is definitely a great example of trusting Him. And isn't it funny that the more freedom we give up, the more freedom He gives back?
Post a Comment