I've been cheating God and myself for the past month and a half. I've been trying to fool myself and God, but that only lasts for so long until the truth is buried so deep under a growing pile of lies that it makes you physically ill.
Last June, I wrote in my blog Single for a Year, "That nagging question 'What if Mr. Right comes along tomorrow?' occassionally enters my mind. The truth is that if he is 'Mr. Right' he'll still be around when God tells me it's ok to get into a relationship... As perfect as the relationship may seem to me, I am going to trust God instead."
Honestly, right now I regret writing that. I regret believing it. I regret committing to it. Despite my present regret, though, I KNOW that I spoke that out of wisdom and clarity. When I look back, there are very few times in my life when I really felt like I made a good and right decision, but that day was one of those very rare days.
Since then, my heart has been swept away by a wonderful guy that appears to be able to offer me the type of relationship I've always dreamt of. It's hard to think clearly when all your dreams seem to be unfolding right in front of your face. However, Proverbs 3:5-6 says, "Lean on, trust in, and be confident in the Lord with all your heart and mind and do not rely on your own insight or understanding. In all your ways, know, recognize, and acknowledge Him, and He will direct and make straight and plain your paths." There was a reason for my committment to being single for a year. God knew the depth of that committment and has and is holding me to it. He knew that Aaron would come along. He knew that I would be swept away. He knew that I would have to face today--the day I would realize that I have not been true to my committment and, as a result, would have to put a relationship on hold.
If I haven't learned anything else in the last few months, the one thing I have learned is that no matter how much it hurts to let go of someone, no matter how hard it is to wait on God's timing, no matter how little sense a decision seems to make, trusting God provides a peace that heals.
May those words, "...I am going to trust God instead" always be the deciding factor....
1 comment:
As hard as this is, if this guy is "the one", he'll wait until you are ready. He'll respect your caution and commitment. If he is only a little insightful, he will also realize what a wonderful woman God has led him to! Praying for you, Alissa.
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