Enjoying a Dream Come True

I am often tempted (and often I fall to the temptation) to think negatively about everything...and I mean, EVERYTHING! Even if my dreams are coming true (and they are right now), instead of rejoicing in the grace of that, I become very suspicious. Why on earth would MY dreams come true? And if my dreams are coming true, shouldn't I have to struggle, to strive, to work, to walk on fire in order to have the things I want? But what testament to God's grace and unreasonable love would I have if I had to strive in order for my dreams to come true?

...And it's not just my dreams that He's allowing to come true in my life, it's even little everyday things. Last weekend while we were on a retreat with our high-schoolers, I had such an intimate moment with God where He distinctly told me that His love is for me too. I was so excited about that, so I asked for a shooting star. Over the next two hours, I looked up in the sky whenever I had the chance, eagerly expecting my shooting star. I looked down for one moment to make sure there was no ice under foot, and in that one moment I heard my husband shout, "DID YOU SEE THAT?!?!" He had seen a shooting star--MY shooting star--the longest, slowest, shooting star he had ever seen. I missed it. I was instantly so angry that God didn't allow me to see it (remember, I am negative about everything). After I calmed down, I finally realized that God gave me what I asked for. He gave me what I asked for but I couldn't enjoy it. I was too busy watching for ice to see the star. This is the story of my life.

This has to be the end of living my life this way, or else I will never be happy. Back in April, before I lost my job and before I met my husband, my strongest desire was to be a good wife and mother. I felt very at home and content with that life. A few weeks later I met my husband, and within 6 months we were married. Three months later, we found out I was pregnant. I haven't had one day of morning sickness (something else I earnestly prayed for!) My dreams were coming true, and I didn't even have to be patient!! Despite all these things, I haven't been dancing under the stars. Instead, I've been watching out for ice and I've been completely miserable. I realize what the problem is, but I honestly have no idea how to fix it. Sadly, I have no idea how to truly enjoy my life, except to keep telling myself that I have a life worth enjoying. I have to keep reminding myself that the joy of seeing the shooting star I asked for is more joyous than the pain of slipping on the ice is painful.

I have to keep reminding myself that the best things in life are not earned or bought. The best things in life are offered, in abundance, by my loving Creator as a gift. I just have to accept that.