Top Ten Things on My Mind Today

10.) I watched the movie The Notebook yesterday. I have to say, compared to that movie I have a very cerebral understanding about love. To me, true love is something you choose to do rather than something you feel all the time. No doubt passion exists in love, but I have my doubts about passion existing throughout an entire relationship. I guess I’ve just never seen it. My last relationship was closest thing to a passionate love I’ve had, but that relationship ended. So, I have every hope that I can have a passionate relationship with the person I marry, but I’m not banking on it.

9.) Speaking of marriage (!), it’s been a little over 2 months since I decided to be single for a year, and since then a little irony is taking place. The more I desire to get married, the more unfit I think I am to get married. I keep imagining what my dream guy is like, but there’s no way he would want me. There’s too much that I haven’t forgiven myself for. And besides, I’m not interested in hurting someone else. All I have to say is that if someone falls in love with me, they better also be deeply in love with God because I guarantee I’ll end up hurting them somehow.

8.) I have picked up a bad habit. When I really think about it, I’ve had this deficiency for a while. My bad habit is that I tend to not end conversations…period. When I was in college, I always had trouble writing the concluding paragraph on my papers. In case you haven’t noticed, I tend to end many of blogs with an ellipsis as well. I have the same problem with conversations. In the last week, I’ve caught myself ending a conversation by just walking away without really putting any sort of appropriate conclusion to it like, “Well, have a great day!” or “It was great talking to you. See you later!” That’s what most people do, but what do I do? I just walk away, leaving the other person feeling self-conscious and a bit flummoxed. I’ve even fallen asleep during a conversation before. How’s that for a conclusion?!?! In all fairness, it was a text message conversation. Somehow I’m a little more off the hook that way. I don’t do it to be mean; I just think I have the disability of not reading when a conversation is ending. I’m self-conscious about the end. On the one hand, I don’t want to be a “lingerer,” but I also don’t want to be the one to end the conversation if the person isn’t done talking…so…I guess if I’m no longer in the presence of the other person, I don’t have to end it and I don’t have to linger….I…am…a…loser ;)

7.) God has put so many amazing people in my life. I bought this old house with all these devious little quirks, thinking that I had the skill, the determination, and the funds to correct them. As turns out, I don’t have home repair skills, very little determination, and absolutely no funds to fix up my little old house. However, random things have been happening. Like, I need my roof patched and one of my co-workers offered to fix it for free. Then I ripped out the carpet in my living room. I have no idea how to finish a wood floor, but as it turns out, one of my friends used to do it for a living. He and my other friend Meghan offered to help me prep the floor this week. Then last night, one of my neighbors came to my door and asked if I would like for him to cut down the branches from my other neighbor’s tree that are hanging over my lawn (literally, I can touch the leaves…I’m about 5’1) and laying on my house. Unbelievable! Altogether, these tasks would have cost me hundreds, if not thousands of dollars, but by the time I’m done, I will have spent MAYBE fifty bucks. What a gracious God!

Well, this was going to be a “Top Ten,” but the first four took up quite a bit of space, so I’ll leave at that for now.