I’ve been very mellow lately to the point that people are starting to wonder what, if any, is wrong with me. To be honest, I can’t be perfectly sure that nothing or that something is wrong. Joyce Meyer says that there was a point in her life where she didn’t feel right unless she felt wrong. I may be in that same state.
It almost feels wrong that I feel calm instead of anxious, quiet instead of outspoken, passive instead of excitable, and I have love instead of bitterness, hope instead of despair, grace instead of perfection.
I just don’t have the same emotional needs I had before. I don’t desire attention, or be the best or the most. I’m simply content with where I am in life and I’ve accepted who God has made me to be—both, things I don’t believe I’ve ever known before. I’m finding the most enjoyment in little things, like having time to get bored, mowing the lawn, receiving candy from the mailman, walking my dog, talking to my neighbors, watching the waves on the lake, feeling the wind on my face….not rocking the boat…just being.
And here’s the most unlike me thing about my state of being right now: I'm confident that even if my life is destroyed or I have something to fear or to be sad or angry about, or if I’m hurt by someone or rejected or in some other way disappointed, or if I lose everything I own…I know the crappiness will end and that when it does I’ll be ok again…
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