I'm going back to high school!

I’ve have some interesting news…I’m going back to high school! How many times have I thought to myself, “If only I knew then what I know now” and wished that I could go back? Now is my opportunity! Starting in September, I will be a “leader” for the senior high group at my church. The entire youth group consists of something like 200 kids; I will head a group of about 5. To be perfectly honest, I am strongly lacking in leadership skills. I’m confident that there is nothing I can say or do that will change anyone’s life, but I’m also confident that if I continually trust God, I won’t ever have to think of the right words. My job is simply to love.

I’m extremely excited about this opportunity! Along with my child-like excitement (I haven’t felt this kind of excitement for a very long time) comes an element of fear. When I begin to fear, I begin to reach back into my past for security where I once had it, temporary and weak as it was. And so here I go again. As my life begins to turn another corner, two things are happening at the same time: I excitedly reach with one arm outstretched toward the unknown, the mysterious, the thrilling, the adventurous. With the other arm I reach as far as I can into the past—a place where familiarity, routine, and stability lie. But I’ve reached back too many times and have found that I end up some time, whether it’s years or months, down the road dragging myself away from “security” to another turning point.

Maybe life is just a series of turning points. Maybe change is always good. Maybe discomfort with life is essential for constant growth and dependence on the One who holds all security.

I adopted a verse a few months ago that I hoped would be the pattern of my life from that point on. Philippians 3:10-14,

10[For my determined purpose is] that I may know Him [that I may progressively become more deeply and intimately acquainted with Him, perceiving and recognizing and understanding the wonders of His Person more strongly and more clearly], and that I may in that same way come to know the power outflowing from His resurrection [which it exerts over believers], and that I may so share His sufferings as to be continually transformed [in spirit into His likeness even] to His death, [in the hope]
11That if possible I may attain to the [spiritual and moral] resurrection [that lifts me] out from among the dead [even while in the body].
12Not that I have now attained [this ideal], or have already been made perfect, but I press on to lay hold of (grasp) and make my own, that for which Christ Jesus (the Messiah) has laid hold of me and made me His own.
13I do not consider, brethren, that I have captured and made it my own [yet]; but one thing I do [it is my one aspiration]: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead,
14I press on toward the goal to win the [supreme and heavenly] prize to which God in Christ Jesus is calling us upward.

I prayed this verse. I prayed that I would “be continually transformed” and I claimed that I would “forget what lies behind and strain forward to what lies ahead.” Well, I’m definitely being transformed all the time. I hope this doesn’t stop. As for forgetting what lies behind, well, I haven’t forgotten, and I’ve caught myself tip-toeing backwards. Paul said he had to “strain” forward. To me that means it was a little difficult even for him to leave a comfort zone. It’s definitely work for me to move out of my element, but I can almost taste the freedom, joy, peace, and security of straining ahead!

God has been so faithful through each baby step I’ve taken forward. I’m learning to trust Him more and more with each step. I am positive that as frightening as this is and as difficult as it may be to keep going sometimes, He will uphold me and remind me that there is absolutely nothing to fear. Selah.