Big Plans

Ok. I'm back again and I'm a little more *eh hem* sane this time.

I've decided to just accept the way I feel, yet continue to make right choices. This way, I don't have to continue being an "either/or" person--that person that overanalyzes every decision or feeling, and never feels settled or has closure.

For way too long, I've told myself to either think or feel; either dive in completely, or pretend it doesn't exist; either be the best, or don't try at all. Over the last year or so, I've been trying to be more balanced in my approach to life. This new guy in my life is forcing me to actually BE balanced instead of just thinking about it. My initial struggle in this situation was either bag the year-long commitment, or bag the guy. I didn't want to decide either way, so I tried to make the decision his. I tried to scare him away. I told him he would have to wait 5 months before I could go on a date with him; he said he'd wait a year if he had to. I told him I have an anxiety disorder; he said he wants to help me through it. I told him I would be testing him; he told me to test away! I told him I was trying to scare him away; he said I'd have to try harder. Before him, I either took the hardest approach to an event in my life or the easiest. With him, I'm realizing that one event in life can be a combination of struggle and ease in order to come to pleasant conclusion. It's a struggle to wait 4 more months to share my heart and my life with him, but the price we pay now will be worth the friendship and trust we will build over this time.

Anyway, I hadn't actually planned on sitting down and writing about him. My original idea really seems quite trivial now...boring actually...but on I go! My plans for this evening:

-Be lazy.

-Do not get in comfortable clothes. Get comfortable in the clothes you're in.

-Slam a couple Cokes.

-Eat a Little Ceasar's Hot-N-Ready pizza. (Incidentally, it was hot, but not ready, which is unfortunate since I was really hungry and wanted it fast, but then when I got it home, it was too hot to eat right away, so I had to wait even longer before partaking. I'm going to market the new "Cooled-off-N-Ready" pizza).

-Soak in a hot bath like a beached whale (Hm...I guess that doesn't make much sense, but, oh well, that leads me to the next thing on the list...

-Don't hit "backspace." Go with the flow).

-Curl up with the puppy and read a good book.

-Play guitar (This has been on the list almost every day for the last 6 years and has yet to happen. Very sad, indeed. I used to love playing).

-Write a blog (check!)

-Put off grocery shopping and cleaning the house until tomorrow (check!)

-Make two lists: what I need at the store and what I can afford at the store.

And there you have it! The ordinary Friday night of an introverted bachelorette and her scared-stiff puppy dog.

It's a'ight. I'm diggin' it...