A.D.D.

I’m so ADD right now. I have a night off of work and I can’t seem to do anything but work. I probably should be relaxing (which, I guess since I’m writing now, I’m kind of relaxing. Wait, I take that back. I feel like playing my guitar right now…), but I just can’t seem to sit still. Man, I hope I don’t start not sleeping…that would be bad. Of course, I don’t see that happening. When I come home from a 14 hour work day, I don’t gently fall asleep like a baby being rocked lovingly by a mother. Instead, I make a loud flop on the couch and pass out, only to wake up half on the couch, one leg laid heavily over my poor dog and my face floating in a pool of drool! No telling what snorts, gurgles, and other bodily functions are emitted when I’m sleeping. I’m sure I make sleeping ugly.

So, what am I doing now? I’m making a pot of coffee. Makes sense since I’m sooooo worried about not getting enough sleep, right? No, not really. I just want to taste something yummy. I want to indulge a little. Life right now is so boring. I work or sleep, that’s it. I don’t have much to think about anymore. I don’t have a bunch of worries jumbled around in my head. Instead, it’s a bunch of nothingness…thoughts like, “I’m so bored right now…look! a chicken!” I hope as time goes by, I’ll learn how to redirect all the empty space in my head. Haha! But, not so “haha” is that if I don’t have something to think about soon, I’ll get in trouble. Like, today I almost bought some beer…just because I’m bored. Not good. The good thing is that I didn’t buy the alcohol and it wasn’t really hard for me to pass up…this time. I’m wary, but not worried that I’ll fall back into that.

I really do feel like God is healing me. I’m not lonely anymore. I rather enjoy being alone now. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not isolating myself. I love being with people as well. The difference now is that I don’t require it. I love the Lord so much! I don’t want this to go away! I know the devil’s trying really hard to steal that from me, but I’m finding that it doesn’t take much to defeat him. I’m not saying it’s easy, it just doesn’t require much from me except a little faith. That’s what I’m finding right now anyway. The trials right now are pretty small. I’m assuming they’ll get bigger, but I’m also hoping that my faith will be stronger. Of course, what makes faith stronger? Bigger battles. I don’t know. It’s not something that I want to worry about. I’ve found that if I just accept that God’s going to be with me through all my battles, big or small, difficult or easy, they are all bearable. Praise God! He is so good to me. I don’t deserve it…

Well, I’m off to relax….after I fold the laundry ;)