I just feel like throwing up...

Do you know that feeling that you have in the mornings right after you've lost someone close to you? It's like you've had the wind knocked out of you and you're afraid you'll never breathe again. It wouldn't be so bad if it was just a feeling, but if you're awake long enough you begin to think, and you begin realize the reason you feel this way is because life has changed so drastically. In just one confusing moment, I lost the person that sat front and center in my life. He was the reason I looked forward to the future. He was with me through my hardest times, and now he's gone and I have no hope of ever being with him ever again. Yes, I broke up with him, but I didn't want it to be a permanant thing. I guess it's better this way anyway. This way any changing I do will be sincere. It will be for me and for God, and not for him. But right now, I just feel like throwing up.