Well, it’s Monday again…but it’s really Tuesday; it just feels like Monday. Blegh. I didn’t really have much of a weekend, but I did enjoy my day off for Memorial Day and I’ll actually have a real weekend next weekend. I can’t wait! It’s the Union retreat. I really need to get away. I haven’t been able to get away from here for about a month since I started working my second job. I miss the freedom, but I guess this is the penalty for messing up my finances last year. Hopefully this won’t last too much longer, ‘cuz it’s already starting to take a toll on me. I’m a woman that needs her free time. Some people can work a full time job and a part time job all while taking classes full time and raising three kids. I’m not one of those people. I never have been…probably never will be. But isn’t that ok? I mean, people think that just because they can do something that means that you can do it too. I guess I probably could, but I couldn’t be myself if I had to do that. I’m doing a Bible study by Beth Moore called “Breaking Free,” and this morning the study was about reflecting God’s glory. I know that I can do all things through Christ, but I don’t know if stretching myself to the limit is a great way to reflect God’s glory. On the other hand, in my weakness is probably the best time for reflecting God’s glory since I CAN’T do it on my own strength….
Haha! Maybe I just need to be quiet and let God do his thing through me. I need to stop complaining about how I feel and just choose to reflect His glory no matter what, because if I wait until I feel like glorifying Him, I’ll never glorify Him. That’s one thing I learned as I was praying this morning. It was like, “God, help me to glorify you.” And then he was like, “Why don’t you just choose to glorify me? ‘Cuz Satan’s never going to allow you to feel like it.” So, I decided I would try. And then I asked God to at least hold it at the front of my mind today that I chose to glorify Him today despite how I feel. And right now I feel really anxious. Here’s the dilemma unfolding right before you, folks! How do I reflect God’s glory when I simultaneously feel like I’m being choked, that I’m going to throw up or pass out at any second, when I feel like I’m just going to explode, but at the same time I want to curl up inside myself? I must have let something in, some bad attitude, bad thought, negative word, early this morning that is starting to manifest itself in my actions right now. I don’t even remember what it was, but from the moment I got out of bed to slap the snooze the first time, I’ve felt a heaviness, a weakness, an emptiness. My mortgage person sent me an e-mail last week with the subject, “The Way to Live your Life.” The e-mail simply said, “Live your life in such a way that when your feet hit the floor in the morning, Satan shudders and says, ‘Oh no…she’s awake!!’” I’m pretty sure when I got out of bed this morning, the phrase was more like, “Haha! We got her!”
And now it’s afternoon and I have an hour and ten minutes before I have to go to my second job. That means I have an hour and ten minutes to get myself in gear. I have do what I should have done first thing this morning—I have to glorify God…I have to act….and pray…a lot…
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