I've been working corporate America for over 3 years now. If you asked me about trends, profits, capital, budgets, goals, etc. I couldn't tell you one thing. But be not discouraged! The years I have spent in my box in a box in a box have not been wasted! Here's some things I have learned:
What I’ve learned about working with men:
When one woman works with two men, the men generally behave, the conversation is usually pretty good, and much work is done. However, if you throw in a third man, the guys start talking about beer and sports, less work gets done, and worst of all, everybody starts farting. Seeing how drastically the dynamic changes when one additional man gets thrown in the mix makes me wonder: Does it take really take THREE men to offset ONE woman???
What I’ve learned about working with women:
Women are ruthless toward other women. If I don’t want anyone to talk badly about me, I better never leave the room.
What I’ve learned about using the women’s public bathroom:
If two women are in the bathroom and both have to poop, one of two things will happen:
1.) They will sit and wait for the other to leave before doing their business, or
2.) They will wait for a third woman to enter the bathroom so that no one knows who is making that sound and producing the accompanying odor.
What I’ve learned about the office water cooler:
If you are a 5 foot 1 inch, 116 pound girl, you will inevitably ALWAYS be the one who has to lift the new 5 gallon water cooler onto the dispenser.
What I've learned about "[so-and-so] is pursuing new job opportunities:"
What I’ve learned about working with men:
When one woman works with two men, the men generally behave, the conversation is usually pretty good, and much work is done. However, if you throw in a third man, the guys start talking about beer and sports, less work gets done, and worst of all, everybody starts farting. Seeing how drastically the dynamic changes when one additional man gets thrown in the mix makes me wonder: Does it take really take THREE men to offset ONE woman???
What I’ve learned about working with women:
Women are ruthless toward other women. If I don’t want anyone to talk badly about me, I better never leave the room.
What I’ve learned about using the women’s public bathroom:
If two women are in the bathroom and both have to poop, one of two things will happen:
1.) They will sit and wait for the other to leave before doing their business, or
2.) They will wait for a third woman to enter the bathroom so that no one knows who is making that sound and producing the accompanying odor.
What I’ve learned about the office water cooler:
If you are a 5 foot 1 inch, 116 pound girl, you will inevitably ALWAYS be the one who has to lift the new 5 gallon water cooler onto the dispenser.
What I've learned about "[so-and-so] is pursuing new job opportunities:"
If your boss tells you that "so-and-so is pursuing new job opportunities," it means they HAVE to because they just got canned for some obscure reason and are going to be rumored about around the office for the next few months.
What I've learned about being fired (if I ever do get fired):
If I ever get fired, I hope they will make it somewhat fun for me. Like, my dream firing would be if they made me wait in a cement room with one chair and a spotlight and got someone to dress up like the terminator and say in an Austrian accent, "Yoo've been torminaated."
No comments:
Post a Comment