I think sometimes people think if they don't hear from you, you must be ok. I know there have been times when my friends have gone through rough things and I've kind of backed off. For months after Rachel's mom's funeral, I didn't have regular contact with Rachel (I lived with the guilt of that for a very long time). If I could do it over again, I would have called her every day to see how she was doing. I would bring her a pizza or cookies and just sit with her even if she didn't feel like talking. I don't know why I didn't do that. I was younger then, and I hadn't experienced much pain in life so I didn't know what hurting people needed. But now that I'm hurting, I think I might have some idea.
When you lose someone you love, whether through death, divorce, or even by a break-up, you suddenly become aware how much that person saturated your life. It's sad how we act like people somehow mean more to us when they're gone than when they're here. That's certainly not true, I know. We just get used to them being there. A specific part of someone's life has a specific part in my life. When that part is gone, it screws up my "routine." The more space they had in my life, the longer it will take to adjust to not having them there and the more space I have to fill. Right now, I have A LOT of space to fill. It seems like ALL I have is space...emptiness. I wish my friends and family would call me, email me, text me all throughout the day to help fill in the spaces quicker.
The next time a friend or even a stranger loses someone close to them, I am going to be there to fill up the space. I'll call every day until they ask me to stop or stop answering the phone (EVEN IF SOMEONE WOULD JUST CALL SO I COULD SEE THAT I HAVE A MISSED CALL!!!!). I'll stop by and just listen. And if they don't want to talk I'll just be there.
[Afterword: Within hours of writing the top portion, this girl at work, Cathy, saw me crying and asked what I was doing tonight because she was going to come over with her little girl, a six-pack, and a pizza. After that, I received an e-mail from another friend at work, Meghan, inviting me to a cookout at her house with her boyfriend and his kids. THEN, Rachel called!!! And then something REALLY crazy happened......I slept in my bed instead of on the couch! GOD ANSWERS PRAYER IN A BIG WAY!!!!]
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